And Lo, did the King and Duke once again speak with the Oracle...

"Oh mighty and wise Oracle, we implore you, give us a way in which to entertain the peasants in your honor."

And thus the Oracle (being very wise and just) did invent the holy game of:

Royal Croquet Chess


Official Royal Croquet Chess Rules

Infraction Penalty
Hit a wicket You Drink
Hit the house or fence You Drink
Hit another person's ball Everybody Drinks
Hit another person with your mallet You Both Drink, Then You Leave
If you are not holding your mallet You Drink
If your drink touches the ground You Drink
Spill your drink You Chug
Weak ass hit You Drink
You want to drink You Drink

The first player to reach the turning post designates the Royal Croquet Chess Booze Hound (RCCBH).

The RCCBH must drink when anyone else drinks. On all social drinks, the RCCBH drinks twice.

The RCCBH must then play the next Royal Croquet Chess Match, but cannot be the RCCBH again.

The first 5 players to reach the turning post may make a rule. The rule must be made, however, before any attempt to continue the game is made (don't hit the ball until you have made a rule). The only rule that cannot be made is the negation of the RCCBH. All other rules must be within the bounds of good taste (extremely arbitrary with this group), and legal.

The winner of the game designates the Chugger, who must finish at least ½ of their drink.

If you quit a game in progress, you must become an obstacle.


Royal Amendments

  1. Due to a most grievous lack of judgement by The King (no doubt alcohol induced), the following amendment is hereby enacted by Royal Decree:

    Full Contact Croquet is forever barred.

    1. The penalty is to become an Associate Royal Croquet Chess Booze Hound (ARCCBH).
    2. The ARCCBH must match drink for drink with the RCCBH.
    3. If there isn't an RCCBH, then the ARCCBH merely fulfills the role of the RCCBH until the RCCBH is chosen.
    4. If the ARCCBH is chosen to become the RCCBH then they are effectively "drinking for two", once as the RCCBH and once as the ARCCBH.


During the match, the players are split into two teams for the purpose of playing Royal Chess. The teams are designated by the color of their balls (we are talking about the CROQUET ones, El Gato, so don't check.

The White chess pieces will be played by Blue, Black, and Green.

The Black chess pieces will be played by Red, Yellow, and Orange.

Each time a player hits, he/she must also move a chess piece. Ignorance of how to play chess is no excuse.

The King always has the Blue Ball.

The Duke always has the Black Ball.

The Prince always has the Red Ball.

Have Fun!!!


Official Royal Chess Rules (May be played separately from Royal Croquet Chess)

  1. Move the wrong piece, your team drinks.
  2. Skip your turn, your team drinks, and you lose your chess turn.
  3. Put the king in check, the other team drinks.
  4. Put the king in checkmate, the other team chugs at least ½ of their drink.

Each piece has a point value. The other team must drink if their piece is captured.

Pawn 1 Drink
Knight 3 Drinks
Bishop 4 Drinks
Rook 5 Drinks
Queen 9 Drinks